Saturday, 24 December 2011

Raison d'être

As you can probably guess by the timing of this being uploaded and by the title if you've got any sense of French this is going to be a bit more serious than my usual babbling bollix. It's still going to be a whole lot of rambling and babbling; because other than rambling and gambling I don't do a lot in this world.

The older I get the more my memories become clouded and my recollection of things becomes a gaggle of other peoples memories of an event that they've regurgitated over and over to the point that it's the only memory you have. Someone once said that you're practically a different person every 7 years of your life and if that's true it would mean the likely Control, Alt, Delete buttons to your brain's task manager are going to have the end now options clicked on a lot of less useful information. We all have that moment of someone telling a story about us as kids that we don't recall or are unsure if that's how it went or not but over time these stories become our memories.

This point worries me as memory and recollections of certain subjects and people will come with the prejudice of the story teller (this is going to seem ironic me typing that shortly) should you subconsciously adopt their version of events as the defacto way things went. I sit here a bit bleary eyed as the thought enters my head that my memories aren't my own. Any time you've got that sort out of body experience version of a memory usually will point to you remembering someone else's version of events as opposed to your own. What worries me about this is that I'll lose connection with my memories and the people that meant the most to me over the years. I'm mindful at this stage that I've lost most of memories of my Grandfather other than those that I've had through other peoples stories. The same is rapidly happening with my Nana as well and it's something that actually has a drain on me. Those people had a huge effect on me as a kid. Without bullshitting I can tell you the most valued possession I have in this world is a boat in a bottle that was my Grandads. It's been in my possession for the last ten years since my Nan died. It's one of the few genuine memories I have that I could never work out how the boat got in the bottle. My Grandad used to joke that the mystery was better than the answer. Simple lesson that's still true. How many of us wished we were still unsure over the Santa question. It takes away the magic so to speak knowing. But in this digital age there's nothing except the reason of life that's more than a click away. Of course some assholes will still give you what it is.

It's weird. Their house has pretty much been gutted and extensions built on it but I'd still buy it in a heartbeat if I ever had the money to do so. I'm not a very religious guy but I'm a spiritual person and there's a lot of good times I've spent in that house as has the rest of my family. The same can be said of my Great Aunt and Great Uncle. All of my family on one side will know who exactly I'm talking about with this. Actually come to think of it there's a putter I was given by said Great Aunt that was my grandads as well. You can guess which club never changes in the bag for the same sentimental reasons.

Which brings me to the reason I'm writing this at 2 in the morning on Christmas day. It's sort of the best way to say thank you in a way to my folks. Sure they might never read this but that's not what's important to me really. I couldn't give a fuck if no one read a word I type. Without them two people and the people they surrounded me with as a kid I'd probably be a complete fuckwit and an absolute ass hole. It's possible; if you know me and you grew up with me. We all know a lot of dickheads and dudes that went down the wrong tracks and the only reason we didn't end up in the same boat is because we were thought to not follow that shit. Thought right from wrong. Sure we all got up to shit and weren't angels but it's our folks that put us in the position that when we could have gone down a bad path that we'd the balls to say nope not for me. Off you fuck.

I'm 27 years old and can honestly say regardless of their working situation or anything for that matter that I've never been left wanting for anything. Whether it was football kits, trips or whatever else. They always found a way. I'm at the age now knowing what they've done I've got to wonder what they sacrificed to put me in the position I am in today. I was pushed by them to always get the most out of the least. I've always been lazy so no-one is ever getting that extra 10% of work out of me. One thing my Dad said to me is work smart not hard and I'd rather do that any day if the pay is the same. 

I'd love to write more but I'm tired and I think it gets the message out. By mistake or by design I'd not be the man I am today without the example they and the people they surrounded me with in my formative years provided. I'd be fucking lost without them.

Merry Christmas ladies and sirs.

No comments:

Post a Comment